Cruising by numbers

• 1400 – Number of misgivings I had about booking a Cruise holiday and roughly equates to number of spondulies the trip   cost plus flights and Geo holiday club points – quite the deal.
• 150 – The number of times I told people “we’re not cruise people”. Having spent 8 days floating around enveloped in a cocoon of comfort, hedonistic pleasure and excess An alternate reality where the biggest decisions to made on a daily basis are purely superficial – which dress; killer heels to wear to which function; event; show; music; restaurant? Which pool, spa treatment deck bar and shore excursion ? I am “salty old sea-dog” enough to admit that I was deluded in my original thinking.
• 1950 – Number of guests.
• 999 – Number of crew/staff – which means that there was 1 member of staff for every two guests and it showed in every element/little detail of the incredibly professional sincere and genuine service.
• 813 –  Number of Staterooms (that’s cabins to you and me).
• 6 – Numbers of islands visited on this cruise trip. Lush and tropical, like  emeralds scattered  in a turquoise ocean -okay, okay we chose this ship based on it’s itinerary with only 1 full day sailing and 6 “gold-plated” eastern Caribbean islands: Puerto Rico; St Thomas; St Maarten; Antigua; St Lucia and Barbados.
• 0 – Call me narrow-minded (“Carol, you’re narrow-minded”), but this represents any other cruise line we would look at for any future cruise – why try to remake the wheel. I have never “checked” as many “excellents” on a customer satisfaction survey for anything IN MY LIFE. And being picky “DIY” road-trippers, hard-wired for interesting out of the ordinary experiences, we were amazed that everything about this Celebrity cruise on this award-winning ship (“Celebrity Summit”) exceeded expectation.
• 1929 – The inaugural year of the SS Normandie in the days of the “grand cruise” style of travel. The original deco brass panels from this vessel adorned the walls of the stunning specialty restaurant on board (The only restaurant you pay a cover charge for and comprising a 6 course plus menu and wine pairing) of the same name. Beautifully decorated in authentic art-deco style with original antique lighting, mahogany wood panels and inlays and attentive charming service (you don’t tip if you prepay all your gratuities so this makes it very easy to engage with crew as they’re not just being nice to you for the tips).
• 8plus – The minimum number of years you need to study/move through the ranks of second mate; third mate and chief mate in order to become a US Master of Vessels (Captain). FYI – mate comes from the French word Matelot and literally means bedmate!!
• 9 – Number of perfect weather days ,  not  a drop of rain (except at night).

 Just to balance out this “eulogogy” (“Zoolander”) to cruising, I need to point out that some of the more venerable demographic of the cruising population either regress into “18-30’s ” style holiday mode (anyone remember those packages?) developing a sudden penchant for limbo dancing, forming a conga line and yelling “wooa wooa” at the tops of their voices.

On a ship this size they can be avoided, however if you feel the irreppressible urge to join in, your fellow sufferers can be found around the main pool area (often initiating a line dance), in the audience of any of the big-production gala show with the designate “Variety” or with Tallulah on a mindless shopping; 50 million beaches and discover Tanzanite shore excursion.

 

Only joking – this is the woman who spent the last evening vicariously performing karaoke with a plethora of brave souls in one of the bars – I didn’t have the nerve or the voice to do it myself –  and then spent until 2am inappropriately dancing to “Lady Gaga” and the “Katy Perry”– the regression phase of my life is not far off I fear!!……..

  

Caveat

“Overeating can seriously damage your health

You have been warned…….

You got to hand it to me – another “all fluff and no substance” article – I have standards you know!!

Over and Out landlubbers